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Recent questions

Cindy A Mayne

/ Clinical Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, Addictions
I have recently been working with a 61 year old woman who has the same issue. There are so many things you can do to start a new journey. I personally have gone back to school for my Graduate degree and find that so interesting, and fun, to hone my skills as a counselor and coach. Perhaps you can think of three things you really wanted to do but couldn't due to "life happening" in the past. If you find three ideas then put them in an intention circle. Identifying what you want to happen and setting intentions on how to get there from here. I work with seniors, as we call the "third age" , over 55. I like that term. Have a great new journey.

Coach Bob Reish

/ Certified Business Coach | Master Trainer | Author
Thank you Dominique for asking such a great question. The question however does not have a simple answer. There are many questions that need to be answered. The first thing that needs to be determined is clarity. What is your purpose? Although you may be able to answer this quick or appear to find a quick answer, often the answer is deeper then expected. Second, what is your passion? What do you really want to accomplish? This is often developed through a series of discovery questions asked by a certified business coach. Last, what goals do you wish to accomplish? There are a multitude of goal setting systems. To understand goals, it is important to differentiate between goals and rewards. The bottom line is hire a certified business coach. It is imperative to put the right resources in place to get your career off to the best start . Just as a an athlete with champion asperations requires the right coach, to be a champion in business requires the same. There has never been a champion athlete without a coach by their side. I hope this gives you food for thought. I look forward to having a conversation with you to help you choose the right path. Give me a call! Lets start you in the right direction on the journey of your life! Business Coach Bob Reish

Stephane Louis

/ LMFT, Clinical Fellow of the AAMFT, PhD candidate / LMFT
Codependency is characterized by a series of behaviors that are focused in someone else's direction, usually at one’s own expense. It is not merely something you "keep doing," but more so, it is a way of being. For that reason, it may be difficult to just stop "doing" a thing or being so codependent. Often when forming habits, if we dig beneath the surface, we find that we take actions because of a belief (e.g. he needs me, things will fall apart without me, she cannot do it on her own). If we go a little further, we may find deeper questions like: who am I without him, am I important, what do I need? Pondering those thoughts can be painful, so it may be more soothing to look at someone else’s concerns instead of what we truly want. When we are looking in the direction of someone else consistently, it can be hard to go anywhere else. That doesn’t mean you have to leave your relationship to become independent or interdependent. You can allow yourself to change your orientation to your partner. Try looking ahead WITH them at what you both want instead of AT them to fill a need. With consistency and effort, you both can walk forward together... interdependently.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
There is a blues song from way back in the day that says "...there ain't nothing you can do." I believe this one of those cases. It's not a lost cause, as your friend JUST MIGHT wake up and smell the coffee. But, his friend--you, will have to let him learn this lesson without your encouragement. Some behaviors die hard, and so the hard lessons and the consequences that follow will be just as hard to endure, but "there ain't nothing YOU can do."

Tony Watkins, LMFT

/ Hope and Healing for Individuals and Couples / LMFT
It can be very difficult to watch someone you care about repeat behavior that is self-destructive. It is also normal to want to help to those we care about, and it seems that you care deeply for your friend. At the same time, it is normal to feel the frustration you are expressing when it feels as though your help and support are ignored. Relationships are trying, at best, but true friendship is forged through many trials together. An old proverb states, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Be honest, not angry, about your concerns and trust that your friend will be able to receive your loving rebuke. Finally, I would encourage you to consider the boundaries that you have with your friend and have a conversation about changes you need to make in the relationship.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
If you believe he will listen then find the most emotionally intelligent way to tell him. But you think that he is not secure enough to think past his fragile ego then let him learn this lesson on his own and then be there to help him clean up the aftermath.

Lauren Roberts Stidger, MS, LPC

/ Licensed Professional Counselor / LPC
Self-confidence is usually a personality trait that is learned, practiced, and maintained. You can learn to improve your confidence through cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), which helps individuals acknowledge or change their cognitions and behaviors. When we work to change our negative cognitions surrounding how we see ourselves, we can start to change our self-confidence as well.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
Understand that people always have good reasons for doing what they do, whether you agree or not. And unfortunately, they don't always explain their reasoning with us. So you can ask your friend "Why?" Or you can give her or him what you think is a legitimate reason for "lying" to you. If you ask him or her "why," be prepared to forgive them for a response that you don't agree with. But if you give them a good excuse for lying to you then you can be done with it. Now, this will only work if you love your friend and value the relationship.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
Well, for those of you that are not empty-nesters yet. START NOW finding something else that you are passionate about to get into. You may keep supporting your children and spouse, but gradually wean them all off or your 100%+ overinvolvement. This way you will have taught your children to fly without your, your spouse to support your flight, and yourself to simply fly solo if you have to. Simply response: START LOOKING FOR HER NOW!

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
Hmmmm, #@$%! Depends. Here is a list of thoughts Just tell him you know 1) You can write him a letter, and leave it open where he can see it; 2) You can call her and merge the call and tell them both 3) You can text him of course--be creative. 4) You can show him (be creative here) Other considerations: 1) If you plan to keep forgiving him--get over the cheating. Just know that this will be your life with him, or 2) You can open the marriage so that "cheating" is a thing of the past. 3) If you don't plan to stay in the relationship then do one or all the above and leave. 4) If you plan to stay then examine how you are going to live with the cheating and find ways to take care of yourself emotionally.
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