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Recent questions

Ronica M. Clark

/ A Little Peace of Mind / LMFT
The big problem with addiction is that it gets tie to our muscle memory (which is the longest standing memory), and that is one of the reason they are so hard to break. The easy way to talk about muscle memory is the reason why you never forget to ride a bike. While you are early in your recovery it would be a good idea to change all of your behavior that are tie to your addiction. If you used to visit certain places, doing certain things or have a certain crown of people it would be a good idea to avoid those places until they become less triggering. However what about the hobbies I should be able to do while sober? When it comes to those it would be a good idea to try to do a different behavior then use to accompany that hobby. For example you may want to switch beer for water, soda or juice when you are fixing your motorcycle, car or going fishing.

Lisa Houston

/ Certified DreamBuilder and Life Mastery Coach
I have found that if you want to commit to something, even self-care, you need to have a strong "why" and purpose. Think about why should you commit to self-care? What is preventing you from committing now? I can give you a quick and easy tool to get you where you want to be, and you need to really want to make that change for it to help.

Cindy A Mayne

/ Clinical Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, Addictions
I have recently been working with a 61 year old woman who has the same issue. There are so many things you can do to start a new journey. I personally have gone back to school for my Graduate degree and find that so interesting, and fun, to hone my skills as a counselor and coach. Perhaps you can think of three things you really wanted to do but couldn't due to "life happening" in the past. If you find three ideas then put them in an intention circle. Identifying what you want to happen and setting intentions on how to get there from here. I work with seniors, as we call the "third age" , over 55. I like that term. Have a great new journey.

Coach Bob Reish

/ Certified Business Coach | Master Trainer | Author
Thank you Dominique for asking such a great question. The question however does not have a simple answer. There are many questions that need to be answered. The first thing that needs to be determined is clarity. What is your purpose? Although you may be able to answer this quick or appear to find a quick answer, often the answer is deeper then expected. Second, what is your passion? What do you really want to accomplish? This is often developed through a series of discovery questions asked by a certified business coach. Last, what goals do you wish to accomplish? There are a multitude of goal setting systems. To understand goals, it is important to differentiate between goals and rewards. The bottom line is hire a certified business coach. It is imperative to put the right resources in place to get your career off to the best start . Just as a an athlete with champion asperations requires the right coach, to be a champion in business requires the same. There has never been a champion athlete without a coach by their side. I hope this gives you food for thought. I look forward to having a conversation with you to help you choose the right path. Give me a call! Lets start you in the right direction on the journey of your life! Business Coach Bob Reish

Stephane Louis

/ LMFT, Clinical Fellow of the AAMFT, PhD candidate / LMFT
Codependency is characterized by a series of behaviors that are focused in someone else's direction, usually at one’s own expense. It is not merely something you "keep doing," but more so, it is a way of being. For that reason, it may be difficult to just stop "doing" a thing or being so codependent. Often when forming habits, if we dig beneath the surface, we find that we take actions because of a belief (e.g. he needs me, things will fall apart without me, she cannot do it on her own). If we go a little further, we may find deeper questions like: who am I without him, am I important, what do I need? Pondering those thoughts can be painful, so it may be more soothing to look at someone else’s concerns instead of what we truly want. When we are looking in the direction of someone else consistently, it can be hard to go anywhere else. That doesn’t mean you have to leave your relationship to become independent or interdependent. You can allow yourself to change your orientation to your partner. Try looking ahead WITH them at what you both want instead of AT them to fill a need. With consistency and effort, you both can walk forward together... interdependently.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
There is a blues song from way back in the day that says "...there ain't nothing you can do." I believe this one of those cases. It's not a lost cause, as your friend JUST MIGHT wake up and smell the coffee. But, his friend--you, will have to let him learn this lesson without your encouragement. Some behaviors die hard, and so the hard lessons and the consequences that follow will be just as hard to endure, but "there ain't nothing YOU can do."

Tony Watkins, LMFT

/ Hope and Healing for Individuals and Couples / LMFT
It can be very difficult to watch someone you care about repeat behavior that is self-destructive. It is also normal to want to help to those we care about, and it seems that you care deeply for your friend. At the same time, it is normal to feel the frustration you are expressing when it feels as though your help and support are ignored. Relationships are trying, at best, but true friendship is forged through many trials together. An old proverb states, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Be honest, not angry, about your concerns and trust that your friend will be able to receive your loving rebuke. Finally, I would encourage you to consider the boundaries that you have with your friend and have a conversation about changes you need to make in the relationship.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ Psychotherapist | Inclusion & Diversity Consultant / LMFT
If you believe he will listen then find the most emotionally intelligent way to tell him. But you think that he is not secure enough to think past his fragile ego then let him learn this lesson on his own and then be there to help him clean up the aftermath.

Lauren Roberts Stidger, MS, LPC

/ Licensed Professional Counselor / LPC
Self-confidence is usually a personality trait that is learned, practiced, and maintained. You can learn to improve your confidence through cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), which helps individuals acknowledge or change their cognitions and behaviors. When we work to change our negative cognitions surrounding how we see ourselves, we can start to change our self-confidence as well.
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